June 6, 2013

Counting the Days

Just now I realized that I am exactly where I started about 9 months ago: I’m counting…Counting the days until I am going to leave a life to live another one. Drawing a black cross over each day passing on the calendar hanging over there on the wall, looking at that big red circle around the day.; the day I will leave; leave a whole life I have built up behind, trying to solve the chaos in my head if I should laugh or cry about it. Faster than I had expected those 90 days suddenly turn in to 60, those 60 quickly in to 30, and before I even start to notice, I can count the remaining days with two hands; on my fingers; 10.........9……...8…….7…… 6…..5….4…3..2.1.
I left home neither knowing what this year will bring, nor what I had to expect. I left my friends, family and everything else, except a small bit of my life packed up neatly one bag, with tears in my eyes, hoping everything would be exactly like I hoped it would be. After leaving the hardest part behind, saying goodbye to the people I love, I sat in the plane struggling between fear and excitement knowing this flight would take me to the other side of the world, away from everything I know and was familiar with and also facing the frightening fact, that next time I would cross the Atlantic was going to be a whole school year away. 
Well, it turned out to be everything I had hoped for, if not even more. Looking back at all the things I got to experience make me so thankful towards all the people who made it possible for me to leave, always stood up for me and encouraged me to go and take my chance of spending a year abroad when I was struggling with my decisions. Thank you so much. Most exchange students live 2 lives, one completely different from another. Each one of them was and is special and unique in their own way and I don’t feel any regret. I have the feeling that in the last 10 months I have learned more than in the whole other 15 years of my life. I learned how it feels to start a new life, starting off without knowing anybody, learned to appreciate everything I have more than I ever did, learned to make my own choices and fix my mistakes, learned about 2 totally opposite lifestyles and cultures, learned to take care of myself and be independent and learned twice that fitting in is not the easiest part of life, but you should never give up. You will find your way and place where you belong. Also, I learned that even in hard times, don’t let things come in your way: Enjoy every second of the life you are living…. Live it the way YOU want to… Don’t waste your time worrying….Travel the world….!!! Although my high school year was like a ride on a roller coaster, with its ups and downs (and trust me the downs were deep!), I obviously don’t want to look back at the boring way up the hill where I was struggling, I will remember and look back at the awesome way down and the exciting loops it made: I will remember the lovely people I got to meet, the amazing friends I made, all the new places I saw, the delicious food I ate (and made me fat :P), the feeling of having a new family, the terrific trip to Chicago I had the chance to go to, and most of all I want to remember the person who this exchange made me become. Honestly, I miss my family and friends a lot but I don’t want to leave, but what can I say? Home is wherever your family, friends and loved ones are waiting for you. And I guess I can honestly say that I have a second home in Texas and a caring second family even though they are short they have big hearts! 

It’s time to say Goodbye, pack up my things and wake up…



Léa said...

you've found the perfect words.

rachellena said...

a wonderful text! I want to hug you.

Nini said...

So touching ;) I'm so happy you had the chance to do so and could experience all these amazing trips and get to know so many nice people. It's a life changing experience that no one ever will be able to take away from you! :) Deine Nini